4th..

out of my mind.
i tot im pms-ing.
but period juz ended not long ago.
damn it.
these days i feel so blue.
4th post of da day.
i guess u all know i wont update tis blog,
unless im reli feeling bad.
which means, im in deep shit now.
urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! =(

学习着长大

原谅我的不够坚强。。。
不断地让自己一直的沉沦。
失去了自己，
找不回来了。。。
可不可以学会勇敢，
坚强的，慢慢地，
一个人走下去。。。

......

i shud hav learnt it earlier.
every guy is the same.
tats da foolest thing bout all gals i think.
always wanted to change a guy.
or influence a guy.
thkin so proudly tat we can make it.
baka. ters nth like tat.
if he can change,
tonnes of gals cud hav changed him long b4 u do,
n if they failed to change him,
wat makes u think u can?
exam is one week away.
yet im letting my god damn emotions to haunt me.

so wrong.

nth feels right at this moment.
i guess ters sth within me tat hasnt changed.
sth really bad i guess.
i wish sumtimes my curiosity just stops ter.
but it owex goes beyond the limitations.
as sayin goes: curiosity kills a cat.
if im da cat, i wud b dead by now.
jacinta lee can u please stop askin things,
n stop findin things out by urself.
knowing too much things is not a gud thing.
sometimes knowin too much wont bring u any gud.
i guess tat guy found his luv now.
i shud b happy for tat.
n hav i found my luv, yet?
it wont b tat soon i guess.
still standin ter, refuse to move on.
for da fear of getting hurted, again.
i duno how strong i cud b to bear it all once again.
i know other than being my parents' precious,
i probably mean nothing to anyone.
yet most of da time i still try to give.
even when i edi hav nth to offer at all,
i'll still b askin: is tat enuf for u?
standin alone, walkin alone.
arms r heavy. knees r weak.
doin things tat i know is wrong.
lovin sum1 tat i know wont b mine.
but i just wont stop ter.
again, im fallin into the same dilemma.
same situation, same sucky situation.
love, n never expect any return.

fairytale, no?

1st off i must b crazy.
i cried watchin high sch musical 3.
how stupid.
but when troy went all da way just to b wif gabriella,
n told her: my prom is where u r.
tears juz spilled out.
i swear i din wan to cry.
but tats how movies define luv.
luv is owex owex downgraded to romance.
media portrays luv as sth which is so nice.
makin each n everyone of us longing for it.
or mayb as time goes by,
as we all grow up n experience on our own,
we find luv the other way round,
most of the time, ugly,
not as perfect as it seems in all fairytales.
n people stop believin in luv.
n start hunting for sth else.
sth like sex, money, status, etc.
n the other day leven told me
luv is all bout dating, accompanyin each other,
n having sex. he said sex is romantic.
tats how media defines sex, romantic.
n as i grown up,
from learnin to love n failing to love,
or even failing to b loved in return,
i wondered if my perspectives to love changed.
quite some time ago kwan said:
"let's not b too pessimistic,
love is still havin the same position with frenship
in my heart now. i still wana find mr. right."
the thing is, how sure u can b tat da gal/guy is mr/ms right.
i believe trustin ur instinct needs courage.
it takes a lot to actually follow ur instinct.
if instinct is tellin u tat him/her is da one.
wud u giv each other a chance?
or step backward n see wats gona happen..
n for me even if life experience is tellin u
tat ters no such thing as true luv in da world,
deep down in everyone's heart,
who doesnt wan to find da right one to love n b loved?
we all wanted fairytale, admit it or not.
if ters a choice, to choose n have a perfect ending,
with the perfect person, i dun c any points in lettin it slips..

rest ur precious eyes..

i just told my classmates today,
time fliesssssssssssssssssssssssssss =.=
wat i remembered was we started our new sem in aug,
n now it is END OF OCTOBER!!! wtf.
i cant even recall wat i hav been doin all these while.
how come time just flies off like tat.
or is it becoz i've grown up now..
mom used to tell me as i get older, time pass faster..
if tats reli the case then it must b reli scary.
imagine im 20 now, n *blink* im gona b 30..
40..50..60..70..80..
oh well, i wana die beautifully.
so i guess i wont want to live up to 70 or 80.
lookin bek at my past 20 years.
i've learnt n grown up a lot.
meeting different kind of people.
havin different kind of experience.
movin from one place to another.
gettin myself used to any environment n anyone i meet.
tats life, isnt it?
keep moving on..
forgettin the past n welcoming the future.
but a lot of memories will stay for sure.
leavin for aus next year. not even sure if im gona cry.
mm, recallin the time when i left sarawak n moved to kl.
i din cry until sch starts, then i started to fall into depression.
i hope tis time around will be a lot better.
perhaps sumtimes i nid to learn to b stronger
n dun cry tat much.
but for me tears represent the most sincere part of me.
it represents wat im feelin inside..
im glad i owex hav a bunch of reli nice frens with me..
through ups n downs..
walkin the journey of life with me.
each n everyone of u, i appreciate.
n every moment i spent with u all i truly cherish.
thank God for blessing me so much.
im reli fortunate compared to a lot of people.
b thankful thankful n thankful.
so, dun u cry tonite. rest ur precious eyes..

born to try

i know im a lil confused most of da time.
yet still owex tryin to compromise.
n to work things out.
but if we ever say we'll never b together.
n we ended with kiss gudbye.
da only thing i can do is to get rid of da blues..
n wish for the best of u..

untitled.

如果明知道结局是失去。。。
会不会因为害怕失去的痛苦，
而选择停止付出。。。

no past. no future. no problems.

i hav a lot to write.
but nowhere to start.
urgh. not so happy.

tagged

Starting time:
• 3.15pm

Name:
• jac

Shoe size:
• 5

What are you wearing right now?
• Pyjamas

Where do you live?
• KL

Favorite Number/s
1 3 6 9

Favorite Drinks:
• skyjuice

Favorite Months:
• june december

Have You Ever……
Been in a bath tub:
• yes

Swam in the ocean:
• yes

Fallen asleep in school:
• all the time

Broken someone’s heart:
• yes

Fell off your chair:
• cant remember so i assume, no.

Saved e-mails:
• yes

What is……
Your room like:
• super messy

What’s right beside you?
• hp

What is the last thing you ate?
• tiramisu choc

Ever Had……
Chicken pox:
• yes, when i was 5 or 6

Sore throat:
• yes

Stitches:
• nope

Broken nose:
• never n i dun wan it

Do You……
Believe in love at first sight?
• never

Like picnics:?
• very much. but i prefer to participate than to organize

Who……
Who was the last person you danced with?
• alone.

Who last made you smile?
• my bie.

Who did you last yell at?
• my brother.

Final Questions……
Hate someone in your family?
• heart everyone.

Diamond or pearl?
• diamond!

Are you the Eldest?
• yes

Today did you……
Talk to someone you like?
• Yeah

Kiss anyone?
• yes, thru da phone

Get sick?
• nope

Talked to an ex:
• nope

Miss someone:
• very much

Last person who……
You talked to on the phone?
• my bie

Have a crush on someone:?
• mm...

What books are you reading right now?
• some boring books

Best feeling in the world:
• to b with THE one.

Future kids names?
• no idea~

Do you Sleep with stuffed animals?
• no

What’s under your bed?
• dust~

Favorite locations:
• beaches

Danced a slow dance with someone you didn’t even like?
• never

Who do you really hate?
• i hate no one. perhaps just dislike some people.

Ever liked someone you didn’t have a chance with?
• always

You lonely right now?
• not really

What time is it now?
• 3.21pm

I Tag….

no one for me to tag!!!!!