i miss u.

again,
i miss the time of being purely happy.

maybe it's not that im not happy,
just that sth is missing again these days..

i miss the time we used to spend for each other.
i miss it. i miss u.

=)

Life is tiring.
yet, we have no choice but to continue walking.
like it or not, life goes on.

somewhere i belong

a lil bit depressed again.
mayb not to say depressed,
but.. a lil blue perhaps.

i know i will only hav few more months here,
then im off to australia.
i wish i can spend time with all of u,
since i hav never reli join u all for outings,
n yet, again, the same thing happen.

i've always struggled between church and frens.
not once or twice,
but countless times.
sumtimes i wish to just give up a lil time to church,
n spend it with my beloved frens,
but in da end i owex end up choosing church n not frens.
it's the responsibilities, n the guilt. i just cant.
im sorry.

n a lot of times when i struggle to choose..
in da end i choose sth out of responsibilities..
not necessarily sth tat i like.
not to say being forced,
it's more like i hav no other options.

i do hope to spend time with u all.
in fact, if it is one week earlier or later,
then definitely i'll b able to make it..
but, oh well. =( im sorry gals.

cold hard slap

i know i might b childish
but it reli slaps me hard on the face
i think it's time to wake up

i tot im the only one
until i realise im same like any other girls
it stabs right into my heart
n out of a sudden
i fall from heaven to hell

i tot that hurts
but this is even worse

u break my heart
tissues wont fix it

i thought u feel it too

y do i let myself believe miracles cud happen..
now i hav to pretend that i dun reli care.

白天不懂夜的黑

if ters nth missin in my life
y do these tears come at nite..

again

在你最痛苦的时候陪你度过
难过过了 天晴朗了 我就走


你拯救我的寂寞 我的痛我的梦
在你的面前 我不必保留
还来不及对你说
迟到的我的心动


最后看你在别人怀里
还微笑祝福你....

my journey

it has been exactly 2 weeks since my 1st day of working.

din like it much.

not to say i hate it, either.

dad is right, i knew about all the consequences
of being involved in this industry
long before i decided to take this course.
Since i knew them,
i chose them,
now i have to accept and deal with them.

which equals to---
limited private and family life.

i knew it.

i tot i enjoy these kinda works.
in fact i do.
just tat i din tot i wud prefer to hav family time tat much, too.
n da fact tat i wish to spend time with my loved one..........
suddenly......
somehow makes the job becomes a burden to me..

years ago i've never planned to grow old with anyone,
except my immediate family, or perhaps a few frens..
marriage or even serious relationship never cross my mind..
until sometime in 07 when i realised i cud fall in luv so deeply
tat i wish i cud spend my life with sum1 i luv till da end of time.

well, tat wish with tat sum1 is already vanished,
since long ago i know.
but another unpredicted sum1 appeared...
surprised n shaken me..
n from ter my life is.............being intruded, again.

i know im a lil bit too much.
sudnt bother too much.
sudnt care too much.
after all, im no one.
we wont go on for long, i know.
n tat is also being the reason y i refuse to step further sumtimes...

for im still havin fear...deep inside...

or mayb im contented if we just stay here..
where we can owex reach out for each other,
anytime, anywhere..

lies

The top 3 lies that guys consistently tell and gals still, fall into:

3rd:

Gal: R u listening?
Guy: Yes of coz, im owex listenin to u.


2nd:

Gal: m i fat?
Guy: No dear, u look just nice.





and....





1st:

Gal: r u lying to me?
Guy: No sweetheart, i'll never lie to u. Im owex honest with u.

untitled.

once again baby,
wat makes u think u mean sth this time..
u just dont.

the broken ones, the bleeding wings

the broken wings are jailed
life sentence
in that cold dark place
for the only crime he committed

the broken soul is scattered
with emotions bruised
n spirits battered
for the fall she fell on hard

心動

如果不能夠永遠走在一起
也至少給我們懷念的勇氣
擁抱的權利
好讓你明白
我心動 的痕跡

swimming in self-pity

dun play with jealousy
bcoz u wont know how wrong it cud b.

i dream

When I close my eyes
I think of you
Such a lonely girl
Such a lonely world
When I close my eyes
I dream

**********************

only faith helps you
only trust can do

****************************

I hope to find a little peace of mind
and I just want to know
who can heal those tiny lil broken hearts

****************************************

If we could make it through the darkest night
we'd have a brighter day.
the world I see beyond your eyes
makes me want to stay.

*******************************************************

almost almost almost

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here


almost..
almost is not enough.
im greedy.
i wan more.
but i know i shudnt b asking.

4th..

out of my mind.
i tot im pms-ing.
but period juz ended not long ago.
damn it.
these days i feel so blue.
4th post of da day.
i guess u all know i wont update tis blog,
unless im reli feeling bad.
which means, im in deep shit now.
urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! =(

学习着长大

原谅我的不够坚强。。。
不断地让自己一直的沉沦。
失去了自己，
找不回来了。。。
可不可以学会勇敢，
坚强的，慢慢地，
一个人走下去。。。

......

i shud hav learnt it earlier.
every guy is the same.
tats da foolest thing bout all gals i think.
always wanted to change a guy.
or influence a guy.
thkin so proudly tat we can make it.
baka. ters nth like tat.
if he can change,
tonnes of gals cud hav changed him long b4 u do,
n if they failed to change him,
wat makes u think u can?
exam is one week away.
yet im letting my god damn emotions to haunt me.

so wrong.

nth feels right at this moment.
i guess ters sth within me tat hasnt changed.
sth really bad i guess.
i wish sumtimes my curiosity just stops ter.
but it owex goes beyond the limitations.
as sayin goes: curiosity kills a cat.
if im da cat, i wud b dead by now.
jacinta lee can u please stop askin things,
n stop findin things out by urself.
knowing too much things is not a gud thing.
sometimes knowin too much wont bring u any gud.
i guess tat guy found his luv now.
i shud b happy for tat.
n hav i found my luv, yet?
it wont b tat soon i guess.
still standin ter, refuse to move on.
for da fear of getting hurted, again.
i duno how strong i cud b to bear it all once again.
i know other than being my parents' precious,
i probably mean nothing to anyone.
yet most of da time i still try to give.
even when i edi hav nth to offer at all,
i'll still b askin: is tat enuf for u?
standin alone, walkin alone.
arms r heavy. knees r weak.
doin things tat i know is wrong.
lovin sum1 tat i know wont b mine.
but i just wont stop ter.
again, im fallin into the same dilemma.
same situation, same sucky situation.
love, n never expect any return.

fairytale, no?

1st off i must b crazy.
i cried watchin high sch musical 3.
how stupid.
but when troy went all da way just to b wif gabriella,
n told her: my prom is where u r.
tears juz spilled out.
i swear i din wan to cry.
but tats how movies define luv.
luv is owex owex downgraded to romance.
media portrays luv as sth which is so nice.
makin each n everyone of us longing for it.
or mayb as time goes by,
as we all grow up n experience on our own,
we find luv the other way round,
most of the time, ugly,
not as perfect as it seems in all fairytales.
n people stop believin in luv.
n start hunting for sth else.
sth like sex, money, status, etc.
n the other day leven told me
luv is all bout dating, accompanyin each other,
n having sex. he said sex is romantic.
tats how media defines sex, romantic.
n as i grown up,
from learnin to love n failing to love,
or even failing to b loved in return,
i wondered if my perspectives to love changed.
quite some time ago kwan said:
"let's not b too pessimistic,
love is still havin the same position with frenship
in my heart now. i still wana find mr. right."
the thing is, how sure u can b tat da gal/guy is mr/ms right.
i believe trustin ur instinct needs courage.
it takes a lot to actually follow ur instinct.
if instinct is tellin u tat him/her is da one.
wud u giv each other a chance?
or step backward n see wats gona happen..
n for me even if life experience is tellin u
tat ters no such thing as true luv in da world,
deep down in everyone's heart,
who doesnt wan to find da right one to love n b loved?
we all wanted fairytale, admit it or not.
if ters a choice, to choose n have a perfect ending,
with the perfect person, i dun c any points in lettin it slips..

rest ur precious eyes..

i just told my classmates today,
time fliesssssssssssssssssssssssssss =.=
wat i remembered was we started our new sem in aug,
n now it is END OF OCTOBER!!! wtf.
i cant even recall wat i hav been doin all these while.
how come time just flies off like tat.
or is it becoz i've grown up now..
mom used to tell me as i get older, time pass faster..
if tats reli the case then it must b reli scary.
imagine im 20 now, n *blink* im gona b 30..
40..50..60..70..80..
oh well, i wana die beautifully.
so i guess i wont want to live up to 70 or 80.
lookin bek at my past 20 years.
i've learnt n grown up a lot.
meeting different kind of people.
havin different kind of experience.
movin from one place to another.
gettin myself used to any environment n anyone i meet.
tats life, isnt it?
keep moving on..
forgettin the past n welcoming the future.
but a lot of memories will stay for sure.
leavin for aus next year. not even sure if im gona cry.
mm, recallin the time when i left sarawak n moved to kl.
i din cry until sch starts, then i started to fall into depression.
i hope tis time around will be a lot better.
perhaps sumtimes i nid to learn to b stronger
n dun cry tat much.
but for me tears represent the most sincere part of me.
it represents wat im feelin inside..
im glad i owex hav a bunch of reli nice frens with me..
through ups n downs..
walkin the journey of life with me.
each n everyone of u, i appreciate.
n every moment i spent with u all i truly cherish.
thank God for blessing me so much.
im reli fortunate compared to a lot of people.
b thankful thankful n thankful.
so, dun u cry tonite. rest ur precious eyes..

born to try

i know im a lil confused most of da time.
yet still owex tryin to compromise.
n to work things out.
but if we ever say we'll never b together.
n we ended with kiss gudbye.
da only thing i can do is to get rid of da blues..
n wish for the best of u..

untitled.

如果明知道结局是失去。。。
会不会因为害怕失去的痛苦，
而选择停止付出。。。

no past. no future. no problems.

i hav a lot to write.
but nowhere to start.
urgh. not so happy.

tagged

Starting time:
• 3.15pm

Name:
• jac

Shoe size:
• 5

What are you wearing right now?
• Pyjamas

Where do you live?
• KL

Favorite Number/s
1 3 6 9

Favorite Drinks:
• skyjuice

Favorite Months:
• june december

Have You Ever……
Been in a bath tub:
• yes

Swam in the ocean:
• yes

Fallen asleep in school:
• all the time

Broken someone’s heart:
• yes

Fell off your chair:
• cant remember so i assume, no.

Saved e-mails:
• yes

What is……
Your room like:
• super messy

What’s right beside you?
• hp

What is the last thing you ate?
• tiramisu choc

Ever Had……
Chicken pox:
• yes, when i was 5 or 6

Sore throat:
• yes

Stitches:
• nope

Broken nose:
• never n i dun wan it

Do You……
Believe in love at first sight?
• never

Like picnics:?
• very much. but i prefer to participate than to organize

Who……
Who was the last person you danced with?
• alone.

Who last made you smile?
• my bie.

Who did you last yell at?
• my brother.

Final Questions……
Hate someone in your family?
• heart everyone.

Diamond or pearl?
• diamond!

Are you the Eldest?
• yes

Today did you……
Talk to someone you like?
• Yeah

Kiss anyone?
• yes, thru da phone

Get sick?
• nope

Talked to an ex:
• nope

Miss someone:
• very much

Last person who……
You talked to on the phone?
• my bie

Have a crush on someone:?
• mm...

What books are you reading right now?
• some boring books

Best feeling in the world:
• to b with THE one.

Future kids names?
• no idea~

Do you Sleep with stuffed animals?
• no

What’s under your bed?
• dust~

Favorite locations:
• beaches

Danced a slow dance with someone you didn’t even like?
• never

Who do you really hate?
• i hate no one. perhaps just dislike some people.

Ever liked someone you didn’t have a chance with?
• always

You lonely right now?
• not really

What time is it now?
• 3.21pm

I Tag….

no one for me to tag!!!!!

another dilemma.

i feel like i owex make things complicated.
i din wan to hurt anyone at first.
but now it seems like wateva decisions tat i make,
at least one side will be hurted...
i just wonder if there is any solutions for the best of them all.
one is the one who i seriously luv in the past.
n another one is the one who pulls me out from the trap
n colours up my life again.
both i appreciate.
maybe i should just stick to the first decision.
forget about the past.
n move on with my new life.
but the memories will b ter, always.
n hopefully they wont just fade.

new light.

the past week has been a lil bit too dramatic..
first i sent the email.
then a lil bit of arguments.
followed by endless calls n sms which i refused to ans or reply.
n the sudden visit early in the morning.
the talks n tears in the car.
n surprisingly the nice hang out on friday nite.
with continuous talks in da phone everyday.

oh well, tat's the end of it.
from the 1st day i decided to luv,
until the last day i decided to walk away.
sadness.
i never expected myself to b the one to walk away.
n the one who refuse a turn back.
there's certainly no 2nd chance.
i guess that's enough.
of all the things tat i've been through.
enough. i've learnt n grown; gained and lose.
that's it.
i never regret for all the things i've done.
neither do i regret loving u tat much.
the memories r to be kept. n treasured.
for they wont grow, anymore.

i closed the door. n i opened another one.
perhaps, for another him.
im not sure wat i hav in mind now.
i dun wan to jump to the conclusion too fast either.
i just hope im making some right decisions.
i hope these decisions wont bring me or anyone bad effects.
i just wan to be happy.

all about love.

saw tis in an unknown person's blog. interesting. =)

当爱从身边渐走渐远，错过的也许并不是他这个人，而是你一生的幸福。
　　缘份天注定，有缘无份，或无缘有份，都是一种心痛。
　　人，一生可以错过很多东西，名利，地位，唯一不能让它跑掉的是你今生的幸福，下半生的依靠。
　　爱，可以很简单，也可以很复杂。
　　心，可以让它完整，也可让它破碎。最大的遗憾是无法再让它恢复原状。
　　你，曾经是我的最爱，可是，将来，你只会是我美好的回忆。无法忘掉的过去。
　　我，只是你爱过的多个人之一，然而，你的内心，却留有一份属于我的痕迹。无法抹掉。
　　有时没有选择，是一种莫大的幸福。


你知道不知道,思念一个人的滋味,
心房就象长满了衰草,风一拂过,哗哗的颤响,
回荡着你的名字;

你知道不知道,思念一个人的滋味,
手机总是拿在手里，
一遍又一遍地拨着那几个阿拉伯数字,
却永远没有勇气拨出去;

你知道不知道,思念一个人的滋味,
当电话响起时,总是会心慌意乱,
看见来电显示时,却是沉沉地失落.

你知道不知道,思念一个人的滋味,
总是呆坐在电脑前,对着屏幕发呆;
脑海里却想着,此时此刻的你,在哪里?在干什么?
是不是也感应到了这份思念?
是不是也会因有灵犀而会心神不安?

你知道不知道，追随一个人的滋味，
放下你所有的高傲，听风起舞，
看他静静地欣赏你，这就是你的快乐；

弃开你所有的成绩，随他远去，
既使是陌生也有勇气；

你知道不知道，追随一个人的滋味，
一个凝眸一个微笑一个轻吻，
便让你所有的付出都觉得无怨无悔……

你知不知道，思恋一个人的滋味，
是明明恋着他，却得装着若无其事；
他的微微一笑，拨动的是你的心弦；
分明没有语言，却仿佛看见满空飘飞着玫瑰的香味；
不希望天长地久，只是看他一眼，就象拥有了一世……
我爱你....为了你的幸福，我愿意放弃一切---包括你。


真的好想：
想要给你很多，虽然不是整个人的世界。
想要你幸福，虽然幸福只是在你我心间。
想要你天天有如花笑靥，虽然有时候是笑中有泪。
想牵着你的手去逛街，虽然那只是我们心目中的小幸福。
想抱着你入眠，虽然一辈子的时间不是很长。
想天天对你说‘我爱你’，虽然有天你会听烦。
想给你做一顿饭菜看着你全部吃光，虽然它的味道不是很好。
想带你上天台看星星，虽然有点老套。
想跟你过情人节，虽然不会每次都送你玫瑰。
想送你白玫瑰，虽然没有九百九十九朵。
想给你洗头发，虽然我洗得不是很干净。
想给你买衣服，虽然不会买太贵的。
想带你去旅游，虽然不会去很远的地方。
想你累的时候靠在我的肩膀上，虽然它并不是很宽阔。
想你在收拾家务的时候帮你一把，虽然有时候会帮倒忙。
想你生气的时候做你的出气筒，虽然我的脾气也很臭。
想时时刻刻和你在一起，虽然有时也会有点小冲突。
想要取你做老婆，虽然我不知道你到底会不会答应。
想和你生孩子，虽然知道带小孩很辛苦。
想了很多，最想和你过一辈子.